A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
I don't go off and sit down and try to write material, because then it's contrived and forced. I just live my life, and I see things in a word or a situation or a concept, and it will create a joke for me.
Because I don't believe everything I read.
They say you're not supposed to put metal in a microwave oven. They're right.