I like to talk about lint and coasters, the expansion of the universe and maybe McDonald's. I'm completely turned off by the idea of politics.

I have a map of the united states .... it's original size ... it says one mile equals one mile.

Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?

How do you get off a non-stop flight?

I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone.

I haven't changed at all. I'm the same as when I was 11.

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?