Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build a Boat.'
I didn't tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I thought if I told people, it wouldn't happen. So I kept it all in my head for years and years.
Why doesnโt the fattest man in the world become a hockey goalie?
Your honor, why would anyone in their right mind park in the passing lane?
If you are sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
I like to talk about lint and coasters, the expansion of the universe and maybe McDonald's. I'm completely turned off by the idea of politics.