I like to talk about lint and coasters, the expansion of the universe and maybe McDonald's. I'm completely turned off by the idea of politics.

Isn't the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut?

I live at the end of a dead end one way street. I don't know how I got there.

[Referring to a glass of water:] I mixed this myself. Two parts H, one part O. I don't trust anybody!

I was in the first submarine. Instead of a periscope, they had a kaleidoscope. "We're surrounded."

While I was gone, somebody rearranged on the furniture in my bedroom. They put it in exactly the same place it was. When I told my roommate, he said: "Do I know you?"

I went to a garage sale. 'How much for the garage' 'It's not for sale.'