Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?

I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the shape of an Ouija board. You'd think about what kind of food you want, and the table would move across the floor to it.

The things I talk about and explain couldn't happen - yet, they don't seem impossible - you could say I talk about the world in an abstract perspective. But then, the world is basically insane - and it's trying to pass itself off as being a sane place. I show it for what it is.

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?

I took a course in speed reading. Then I got Reader's Digest on microfilm. By the time I got the machine set up, I was done.

Doing stand-up is like running across a frozen pond with the ice breaking behind you. I love it because it's dangerous.