I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds amazing.

Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the road an hour.

I couldn't find the remote control to the remote control.

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out.

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

I have a map of the united states .... it's original size ... it says one mile equals one mile.

Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.