I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds amazing.

My friend Winnie is a procrastinator. He didn't get his birth mark til he was eight years old.

I went to a garage sale. 'How much for the garage' 'It's not for sale.'

Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?

I haven't changed at all. I'm the same as when I was 11.

I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, 'The whole time.

I got a garage door opener. It can't close. Just open.