Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

I once tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building...I changed my mind at the last minute, so I just flipped over and landed on my feet. Two little kittens nearby saw what happened and one turns to the other and says, "See, that's how it's done."

I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates".

One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, "Didn't you see the stop sign?" I said, "Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read"

I saw a small bottle of cologne and asked if it was for sale. She said, "It's free with purchase." I asked her if anyone bought anything toda