Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

I saw a want ad. "light housekeeping." They said "Here, change this bulb." I said "I'll need some friends."

You know, the New Testament is pretty old. I think they should call them the Old Testament and the Most Recent Testament.

Your honor, why would anyone in their right mind park in the passing lane?

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

The other day, I was walking my dog around my building . . . on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

Because I don't believe everything I read.