Is it possible to be totally partial?

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'

I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing films. That's still what I am doing. The end.

I took a baby shower.

When I was in boy scouts, I slipped on the ice and hurt my ankle. A little old lady had to help me across the street.

I don't go off and sit down and try to write material, because then it's contrived and forced. I just live my life, and I see things in a word or a situation or a concept, and it will create a joke for me.

I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.