Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came back the entire area was missing.

If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.

Day 1 -- Still tired from the move. Day 2 -- Everybody talks to me like I'm an idiot.

If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?

I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it.

Imagine Pulitzer prizefighting.

I thought I would be a guy on the radio.