The other day, I was walking my dog around my building . . . on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

They say you're not supposed to put metal in a microwave oven. They're right.

I used to own an ant farm but had to give it up. I couldn't find tractors small enough to fit it.

I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.

Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

I don't like politicians, and I don't like politics. I definitely don't want to be associated with any of them.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.