How young can you die of old age?

always remember your unique, just like everone else

A cop stopped me for speeding/ He said, 'Why were you going so fast?' I said, 'See this thing my foot is on? It's called an accelerator. When you push down on it, it sends more gas to the engine. The whole car just takes right off. And see this thing [mimes steering wheel]? This steers it'

I'm standing behind a wall of jokes. You don't know about my personal life, my girlfriends, or what I do when I'm not on the road. There's this guy, this comedian, and this is how he thinks, but people really don't know anything about me.

Last night I fell asleep in a satellite dish. My dreams were broadcast all over the world.

I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wear my liver on my pant leg.

You know, the New Testament is pretty old. I think they should call them the Old Testament and the Most Recent Testament.