Childhood was very nice. The only thing wrong was that I was so introverted, everything became a big deal... 'Oh, no, here comes the bus. Where am I gonna sit on the bus?'
Steven WrightIf all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
Steven WrightIf it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
Steven WrightWhen I was on TV in the '80s, I wasn't thinking, 'There's a 10-year-old kid watching this and in 15 years, he's gonna be doing stuff that was influenced by me.' I was trying to get my five minutes together. So now that those people are comedians and they're influenced by me - it's bizarre.
Steven Wright