I got my driver's license photo taken out of focus on purpose. Now when I get pulled over, the cop looks at it [moving it nearer and farther, trying to see it clearly], and says, "Here, you can go"

If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?

I've been doing comedy longer than I haven't been doing comedy, as I was performing for three years before I even got on 'The Tonight Show.' There's truly nothing like it; it's intense and exhilarating, even though it looks so casual.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?

My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band.

I just have a relationship with my imagination. It's like my friend, almost.