Honestly, I just go to restaurants to eat so I won't die. If there was a pill I could take in January and then I wouldn't have to eat again for the rest of the year, I would take it. Of course, I wouldn't want to sacrifice my chocolate cake and ice cream.

If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?

When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?

I once locked my keys out of my car. I had to break out of my car with a coat hanger.

always remember your unique, just like everone else

While I was gone, somebody rearranged on the furniture in my bedroom. They put it in exactly the same place it was. When I told my roommate, he said: "Do I know you?"

Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.