I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.

One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, "Didn't you see the stop sign?" I said, "Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read"

I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it.

You know the old joke, I went to the fights and a hockey game broke out.

Does fuzzy logic tickle?

Do the people in Australia call the rest of the world 'Up Over'?

I've been thinking of humorous things since I was... I can't remember when. All the way through elementary school, all the way through junior high, all the way through high school, through college and after college, I was thinking of the same kinds of things that I say in front of an audience now.