I like George Carlin's jokes. I like his humor. He's one of my heroes, and I like what he did with talking about everyday things.

I made a chocolate cake with white chocolate. Then I took it to a potluck. I stood in line for some cake. They said, "Do you want white cake or chocolate cake?" I said, "yes."

If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?

My girlfriend's weird. One day she asked me, 'If you could know how and when you were going to die, would you want to know?' I said, 'No.' She said, 'Okay, forget it.

How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?

I have a map of the united states .... it's original size ... it says one mile equals one mile.

I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house.