Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the road an hour.
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, 'The whole time.
My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.
I wear a hat on stage so that people won't be blinded by the reflection from my head. Also, if I don't wear a hat, there's no way that the hat can be at that level by itself on the stage.