Smoking cures weight problems, eventually.

I changed my headlights the other day. I put in strobe lights instead! Now when I drive at night, it looks like everyone else is standing still.

The sky is falling. No, I'm tipping over backwards.

I collect rare photographs... I have two... One of Houdini locking his keys in his car... the other is a rare picture of Norman Rockwell beating up a child.

My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.

I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black and white to it. But sometimes I'm seeing it like I'm 4.

Do married people live longer than single people or does it just SEEM longer?