I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

My friend Winnie is a procrastinator. He didn't get his birth mark til he was eight years old.

I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.

I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot.

Why is the third hand on a watch called a second hand?

Comedians are sociologists. We're pointing out stuff that the general public doesn't even stop to think about, looking at life in slow-motion and questioning everything we see.