I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?

My act is an exaggeration of a part of me. I'm much more expressive off stage.

I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.

I took a baby shower.