Whatever happened to preparations A through G?

I've been thinking of humorous things since I was... I can't remember when. All the way through elementary school, all the way through junior high, all the way through high school, through college and after college, I was thinking of the same kinds of things that I say in front of an audience now.

I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.

I was in the first submarine. Instead of a periscope, they had a kaleidoscope. "We're surrounded."

I like George Carlin's jokes. I like his humor. He's one of my heroes, and I like what he did with talking about everyday things.

I liked school, but I used to dread those moments when the teacher would call me up to give an oral report. I forced myself to deal with it and not dwell on the class in front of me - to keep a straight face, give the report and concentrate on getting it right. That's normally how I perform. That's how I am.

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?