I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that would be on the show every night - and I'd dream about it being me.

I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house.

I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.

Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?

Some friends of mine got me a sweater for my birthday. I'd have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but the sweater was OK.

When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?

always remember your unique, just like everone else