I was in the supermarket the other day, and I met a lady in the aisle where they keep the generic brands. Her name was 'woman.

I was an only child, eventually.

I can't stop thinking like this.

Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.

Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the road an hour.