I was in the supermarket the other day, and I met a lady in the aisle where they keep the generic brands. Her name was 'woman.

I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.

I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I said, 'oh, that's OK, I'm not going that far.'

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

My act is an exaggeration of a part of me. I'm much more expressive off stage.

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.

My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers. He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was. You can guess what he told me.