I never even thought of myself as deadpan until someone wrote an article about me about a year after I was doing comedy. There was a paper called the 'Boston Phoenix,' and someone wrote a description of what I was doing and that's where I first saw 'deadpan.'

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

It's a fine night to have an evening.

Why are there five syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?

Snakes have no arms. That's why they don't wear vests.

I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.

I Xeroxed my watch. Now I have time to spare.