I never even thought of myself as deadpan until someone wrote an article about me about a year after I was doing comedy. There was a paper called the 'Boston Phoenix,' and someone wrote a description of what I was doing and that's where I first saw 'deadpan.'

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.

Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.

When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney.

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time.