I like to reminisce with people I don't know.

Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug.

When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never, like, 'Oh, wow. I could say this some day on stage.'

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?

Your honor, why would anyone in their right mind park in the passing lane?

Good jokes are gems. A good idea is hard to come by. I couldn't give them to someone else, even for money. It just wouldn't seem right.