I put tape on the mirrors in my house so I don't accidentally walk through into another dimension.

Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers. He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was. You can guess what he told me.

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.

I changed my headlights the other day. I put in strobe lights instead! Now when I drive at night, it looks like everyone else is standing still.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'