All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats.

I have all the emotions that everyone has; it just appears that I don't.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

I got a new dog. He's a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he's not sure what I threw him.

When I was in boy scouts, I slipped on the ice and hurt my ankle. A little old lady had to help me across the street.