All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats.

Hermits have no peer pressure.

I had my coat hangers spayed.

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark.

If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell

I don't get up, get dressed, go out, and think, 'Okay, I gotta find eight jokes.'