When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?

It usually helps me write by reading - somehow the reading gear in your head turns the writing gear.

I'm used to seeing it, but it's weird having an Academy Award. You usually only see one of them on the TV show when they give them out, so it's kind of surreal to have one in your house.

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.

In my house there's this light switch that doesn't do anything. Every so often, I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said 'cut it out'

When I was in boy scouts, I slipped on the ice and hurt my ankle. A little old lady had to help me across the street.

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.