You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor.

I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.

I like to skate on the other side of the ice.

Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.

When I was five years old I was on a merry go round. There was a gunshot nearby. The horses stampeded. There I was running down the street on a purple wooden horse.

Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?

Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?