You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor.

I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

My friend Winnie is a procrastinator. He didn't get his birth mark til he was eight years old.

I have all the emotions that everyone has; it just appears that I don't.

I went camping and borrowed a circus tent by mistake. I didn't notice until I got it set up. People complained because they couldn't see the lake.

I don't get up, get dressed, go out, and think, 'Okay, I gotta find eight jokes.'