Day One: Still tired from the move.

I have all the emotions that everyone has; it just appears that I don't.

I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'

I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark.

I was born by Caesarian section . . . but not so you'd notice. It's just that when I leave a house, I go out through the window.

I bought a million lottery tickets. I won a dollar.

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.