Day One: Still tired from the move.

Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.

I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't matter.

Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, "Do I know you?

Yesterday I saw a chicken crossing the road. I asked it why. It told me it was none of my business.

I bought a dog the other day. . . . I named him Stay. It's fun to call him. . . . "Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!" He went insane. Now he just ignores me and keeps typing.

You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time.