A metaphor is like a simile.

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out.

It usually helps me write by reading - somehow the reading gear in your head turns the writing gear.

The older you get, the more you learn to see what you've been taught to see. When you're a kid, you see what's there.

I'd like to sing you a song now about my old girlfriend. It's called "They'll Find Her When the Leaves Blow Away 'Cause I'm Not Raking 'Til Spring."

What a nice night for an evening.

I don't go off and sit down and try to write material, because then it's contrived and forced. I just live my life, and I see things in a word or a situation or a concept, and it will create a joke for me.