A beautiful woman moved in next door. So I went over and returned a cup of sugar. She said, "You didn't borrow this." I said, " I will!"

If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell

I wear a hat on stage so that people won't be blinded by the reflection from my head. Also, if I don't wear a hat, there's no way that the hat can be at that level by itself on the stage.

I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.

I bought a million lottery tickets. I won a dollar.

Winny and I lived in a house that ran on static electricity. If you wanted to run the blender, you had to rub balloons on your head. If you wanted to cook, you had to pull off a sweater real quick

I have a map of the united states .... it's original size ... it says one mile equals one mile.