I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

I don’t have to walk my dog anymore. I walked him all at once.

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.

I was going to tape some records onto a cassette, but I got the wires backwards. I erased the all of the records. When I returned them to my friend, he said, "Hey, these records are all blank."

I was an only child, eventually.