When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, 'Well, what do you need?'

Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent?

I just lost a buttonhole.

Four years ago... no, it was yesterday.

I like to fill my tub up with water, then turn the shower on and act like I'm in a submarine that's been hit .

Sometimes I... No, I don't.

Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.