What I like about the jokes, to me it's a lot of logic, no matter how crazy they are. It has to make absolute sense, or it won't be funny.

I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't matter.

If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

I eat swiss cheese. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger.

All the plants in my house are dead - I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

I was in a job interview and I opened a book and started reading. Then I said to the guy 'Let me ask you a question. If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?' He said 'I don't know'. I said 'I don't want your job'.