I wish, when I was first born, the first thing I said was "Quote" so the last thing I said before I died would be "Unquote.
Steven WrightMy girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.
Steven WrightI was born by Caesarian section . . . but not so you'd notice. It's just that when I leave a house, I go out through the window.
Steven Wright