All the plants in my house are dead - I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes.

My house is made out of balsa wood, so when I want to scare the neighborhood kids I lift it over my head and tell them to get out of my yard or I'll throw it at them.

Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?

Four years ago... no, it was yesterday.

I have a large sea shell collection which I keep scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you've seen it.

How come you don't ever hear about gruntled employees? And who has been dis-ing them anyhow?

My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.