If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

I Xeroxed my watch. Now I have time to spare.

OK, so what's the speed of dark?

I didn't tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I thought if I told people, it wouldn't happen. So I kept it all in my head for years and years.

Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.