So I got off the plane and I forget to take off my seat-belt and I'm dragging the plane through the terminal... The wings are knocking people over.

The sky already fell. Now what?

It's very intense to be in front of a live audience. It's just an amazing experience. It's dangerous. Everything out there is heightened. The bad stuff is extra-worse. The silences are extra-silent. The good stuff is amazing. It's electric when you walk out there. For 90 minutes, you're on this other planet.

Yesterday I saw a chicken crossing the road. I asked it why. It told me it was none of my business.

Real life? Well, I just hope mine isn't investigated. They might find that I don't really exist - that I'm just a hologram.

The other day, I was walking my dog around my building . . . on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.