It's very intense to be in front of a live audience. It's just an amazing experience. It's dangerous. Everything out there is heightened. The bad stuff is extra-worse. The silences are extra-silent. The good stuff is amazing. It's electric when you walk out there. For 90 minutes, you're on this other planet.

[Referring to a glass of water:] I mixed this myself. Two parts H, one part O. I don't trust anybody!

I eat Swiss cheese from the inside out.

I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

When I was ten, my pa told me never to talk to strangers. We haven't spoken since.

I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.

When I'm on stage, it's really intense. My mind is going a million miles an hour, trying to remember my act, trying to say it all the right way. It's funny how different it looks and how it's happening. There are three Fellini circuses in my head, and outwardly it looks like I'm going to get a bagel.