Yesterday I saw a chicken crossing the road. I asked it why. It told me it was none of my business.

Do the people in Australia call the rest of the world 'Up Over'?

Imagine Oshkosh straitjackets for little insane children.

Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the road an hour.

I was watching the Superbowl with my 92 year old grandfather. The team scored a touchdown. They showed the instant replay. He thought they scored another one. I was gonna tell him, but I figured the game HE was watching was better.

You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor.

I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.