I have a large sea shell collection which I keep scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you've seen it.

How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?

I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

I was watching the Superbowl with my 92 year old grandfather. The team scored a touchdown. They showed the instant replay. He thought they scored another one. I was gonna tell him, but I figured the game HE was watching was better.

So I got off the plane and I forget to take off my seat-belt and I'm dragging the plane through the terminal... The wings are knocking people over.

If Dracula can't see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?

I saw a sign at a gas station. It said 'help wanted'. There was another sign below it that said 'self service'. So I hired myself. Then I made myself the boss. I gave myself a raise. I paid myself. Then I quit.