I have a large sea shell collection which I keep scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you've seen it.

Babies don't need a vacation. But I still see them at the beach. It pisses me off.

My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs.

Having sex with her is incredible. It's just like a concert. We throw Frisbees around the room. And when she wants more she lights a match.

All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats.

In my house there's this light switch that doesn't do anything. Every so often, I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said 'cut it out'

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.