Babies don't need a vacation. But I still see them at the beach. It pisses me off.

Childhood was very nice. The only thing wrong was that I was so introverted, everything became a big deal... 'Oh, no, here comes the bus. Where am I gonna sit on the bus?'

Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.

I got a garage door opener. It can't close. Just open.

You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time.

You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, 'Well, what do you need?'