Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.

In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.

The other day I went to a tourist information booth and asked, 'Tell me about some of the people who were here last year.

When I was a fetus, I used to sneak out at night when my mother was sleeping. I figured I should start stealing stuff while I still had no fingerprints.

Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

When I was a kid I had a friend who worked in a radio station. Whenever we walked under a bridge, you couldn't hear what he said.

Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read.