Sometimes I talk to myself in languages I'm unfamiliar with... just to screw with my subconscious.

I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.

I was hitchhiking the other day and a hearse stopped. I said, 'No thanks, I'm not going that far.

When I was ten, my pa told me never to talk to strangers. We haven't spoken since.

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck. But my lawyer thinks he can get me five.

I have a map of the united states .... it's original size ... it says one mile equals one mile.

I'm not afraid of heights. I'm afraid of widths.