When I was ten, my pa told me never to talk to strangers. We haven't spoken since.
I used to be a narrator for bad mimes.
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
I have a map of the united states .... it's original size ... it says one mile equals one mile.
My mother is from another time - the funniest person to her is Lucille Ball; that's what she loves. A lot of times she tells me she doesn't know what I'm talking about. I know if I wasn't her son and she was flipping through the TV and saw me, she would just keep going.
I told her I knew when I was going to die because my birth certificate had an expiration date on it.