One day a guy tried to rob me on the street, and I had no money. So I charged him.

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Did you sleep well?" "No, I made a couple of mistakes.

How come you don't ever hear about gruntled employees? And who has been dis-ing them anyhow?

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out.