always remember your unique, just like everone else

I took a course in speed reading. Then I got Reader's Digest on microfilm. By the time I got the machine set up, I was done.

I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, 'The whole time.

I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't matter.

I was born by Caesarian section . . . but not so you'd notice. It's just that when I leave a house, I go out through the window.

I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing films. That's still what I am doing. The end.

I had my coat hangers spayed.