I was hitchhiking the other day and a hearse stopped. I said, 'No thanks, I'm not going that far.
Steven WrightPeople think my friend George is weird because he wears sideburns...behind his ears. I think he's weird because he wears false teeth...with braces on them.
Steven WrightIt was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.
Steven Wright