I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.

I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the shape of an Ouija board. You'd think about what kind of food you want, and the table would move across the floor to it.

Why doesn’t the fattest man in the world become a hockey goalie?

When I was a kid I had a friend who worked in a radio station. Whenever we walked under a bridge, you couldn't hear what he said.

In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.

For my sister's 50th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.

A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, 'Wish you were here.