Good jokes are gems. A good idea is hard to come by. I couldn't give them to someone else, even for money. It just wouldn't seem right.

I eat swiss cheese. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger.

I put hardwood floors on top of wall-to-wall carpet.

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

I have a map of the united states .... it's original size ... it says one mile equals one mile.

When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?