Good jokes are gems. A good idea is hard to come by. I couldn't give them to someone else, even for money. It just wouldn't seem right.

I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'

Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

People may think I'm trying something new by telling stories, but they're just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just continue using my imagination and creating. That's what I do.

I haven't changed at all. I'm the same as when I was 11.

In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.

It usually helps me write by reading - somehow the reading gear in your head turns the writing gear.