Your honor, why would anyone in their right mind park in the passing lane?

Snakes have no arms. That's why they don't wear vests.

My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.

The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

When I'm on stage, it's really intense. My mind is going a million miles an hour, trying to remember my act, trying to say it all the right way. It's funny how different it looks and how it's happening. There are three Fellini circuses in my head, and outwardly it looks like I'm going to get a bagel.

I just got this new camera. It's very advanced - you don't even need it.

I spent all my money on a FAX machine. Now I can only FAX collect.