The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store . . . with a pricing gun. She said, "Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store."

I moved into an all-electric house. I forgot and left the porch light on all day. When I got home the front door wouldn't open.

I went to San Francisco. I found someone’s heart.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.

If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?

Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?