The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store . . . with a pricing gun. She said, "Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store."

Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.

What do batteries run on?

I have all the emotions that everyone has; it just appears that I don't.

You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor.

I washed mud off of mud.

If Dracula can't see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?