The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store . . . with a pricing gun. She said, "Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store."

I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don’t know how I got there.

Yesterday I saw a chicken crossing the road. I asked it why. It told me it was none of my business.

I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head.

Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle.

All those who believe in psychokinesis - raise my hand.

Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?