I put hardwood floors on top of wall-to-wall carpet.

I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one – it wasn’t doing what I was doing.

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck. But my lawyer thinks he can get me five.

I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house.

I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing films. That's still what I am doing. The end.

Clones are people two.

A beautiful woman moved in next door. So I went over and returned a cup of sugar. She said, "You didn't borrow this." I said, " I will!"