I didn't want to be selling insurance at 40, wondering what would it have been like to do stand-up.
One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, "Didn't you see the stop sign?" I said, "Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read"
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark.
I forgot and left the lighthouse on all night. Next day the sun wouldn't rise.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?